Mentera — Nil Illegitimo Carborundum!

mentera.org Film Reviews I

It is my belief that personal wanking blogs must have film reviews. This makes the blogger sound like a shaper of opinions. So, to that end, we’re going to start some film reviews here. Now, regular readers of mentera.org (all 5 of us) with half an inch of sense would realise two things:

1. The phrase “half an inch of sense” doesn’t make any sense; and
2. Almost nothing on this blog is original, being mainly derivatives of other (better) works; and
3. gier can’t count.

Be that as it may, I would now like to present mentera.org’s first film reviews. Because I’m mostly lazy, I’ve decided to put several in at once, to save time for more constructive activities. Like sleep.

1. The Lord of The Rings Trilogy

Two rather short guys travel all over New Zealand to throw a ring into a volcano. They might be gay.

2. Die Hard

Balding policeman tries to win back his woman by moving around barefoot, wearing a string vest and killing English German bad guys.

3. Die Harder

Same balding dude kills many other people to make sure wife’s plane lands safely.

4. Troy

Brad Pitt kills Dr. Bruce Banner before he (i.e. Dr. Banner) turns into the Incredible Hulk then gets an arrow in his (i.e. Brad Pitt’s) heel, shot by Dr. Banner’s metrosexual brother (who is an elf), who stole Diane Kruger from some dude that Brad Pitt couldn’t give a shit about. A wooden horse was also involved.

5. Gol & Gincu

College girls play futsal against other girls while looking pretty. One of them gets pregnant, one of them gets the guy, one of them loses a guy but makes friends with other girls. Contrary to expectations, there were no girl-on-girl action.

6. Cinta

Five different plots about different types of love. One plot made sense, the others were rubbish. Which made sense, and which were rubbish changes on different viewings. XPDC did not sing the theme song.

7. Heart

A boy and a girl grew up together, best friends. The guy falls in love with another girl, which makes the friend girl jealous. The other girl turns out to be sick, and the friend girl gets into an accident, declines to eat anything. Doctors allow her to starve to death and to donate her liver (hati –> heart, go figure) to the sick other girl. Sick girl becomes better, gets jiggy with the boy — who remains an idiot.

8. Rock

A nostalgia movie about the Malay “rock kapak” scene in the ’80s to mid-’90s. Started off well, then the director fell asleep. Nobody knows how the movie ends because everybody fell asleep as well.

9. Lelaki Komunis Terakhir

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10. Apa Khabar Orang Kampung

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That’s it for this post. Might do some more later. Maybe.

Saturday, March 17th, 2007, by gier and is filed under "Film Reviews ". You can leave a response here, or send a Trackback from your own site.