Archive for April, 2007
Because we are victims of populist tendencies, the Mentera Institute of Learning Foundation for Political Research On Nationalism (MILF-PRON) have decided to publish an in-depth analysis of the Ijok bye-election. This research had been carried out by none other than our rectum rector, Tan Sri Dato’ Seri Wira Paduka Kelana Orang Besar Ir. Professor Dr. Bung Siddekq Al-Saghof (though we normally just call him dude). This is his report:
The decision by PKR to field Tan Sri Abdul Khalid Ibrahim is an inspired one, given the racial composition of the constituency. The racial breakdown of Ijok is, according to the famous online comic, 51.8% Malay, 27.7% Indian and 20.6% Chinese (which strangely amounts to 100.1% — doubtless due to some rounding error). Ostensibly, there are no “Dan Lain-lain” voting in Ijok.
Further, based on the previous two elections, the gap between the BN (MIC) candidate with the opposing candidate (PKR in 2004, DAP in 1999) are 18.2% and 28.3% respectively. In 2004, the PKR candidate was a Malay, effecting a 10.1% swing from the Indian DAP candidate of 1999. In order for PKR to win this time around, they would have to pull a further 11.9% swing to obtain a simple majority. Making the assumption that the independent candidate votes would also be highly likely to swing towards to opposition, this 11.9% is further shortened to 8.5%. Given the credentials of Khalid, an 8.5% swing is not unreachable.
In addition, being the former CEO of PNB and Guthrie, Khalid would have a certain appeal to the Indian estate workers, knowing that they could have their “old boss” back, in a much more important capacity.
Therefore, in the words of our associate, Sharizal, seterus perebus (translation: onward you boiler), it is our considered belief that the elections will be won by the BN candidate.
(MILF-PRON Political Analysis Report 01/2007/04/20 v1)
Filed under: MILF-PRON, Politics | |No Comments
A month or so ago, I promised Farish Noor that I’d write a review on Tun Dr. Ismail’s biography, “The Reluctant Politician: Tun Dr. Ismail and His Time” by Dr. Ooi Kee Beng. Obviously, I haven’t written it yet, because it ain’t on OtherMalaysia.org. Anyhow, in the meantime, my favourite online comic’s published a review by Sharon Siddique. Mr. Jeff Ooi, esq. also covered the book in his own inimitable style, by not actually reviewing the book per se (on account of not actually having fully read it). Rocky mentioned another blogger, Pak Idrus who also made a review of the book from a more personal angle, having known the great man.
Like many people, I started reading the excerpts of the book in the New Sunday/Straits Times (which you can find wholesale (copyright violating) copies of on Malaysia-today.net). From reading the excerpts, I couldn’t wait to get the whole book and I must say that it is not a disappointment. Pending the review on othermalaysia.org (which I may never write, because I’m a lazy fart), all I can say is if you haven’t read the book yet, go get it. It’s quite readable, even if you’re not a bookworm.
Now, one of the most revealing things from the book is Tun Dr. Ismail’s view with regards to the Special Position of the Malays, where during the pre-independence discussions Tun Dr. Ismail noted, on page 82-83:
The Special Position of the Malays
This proved a less intractable problem because the leaders of the Alliance realised the practical necessity of giving the Malays a handicap if they were to compete on equal terms with the other races. The only point of controversy was the duration of the ’special position’ — should there be a time limit or should it be permanent? I made a suggestion which was accepted, that the question be left to the Malays themselves, because I felt that as more and more Malays became educated and gained self-confidence, they themselves would do away with this ’special position’ because in itself this ’special position’ is a slur on the ability of the Malays and only to be tolerated because it is necessary as a temporary measure to ensure their survival in the modern competitive world: a world to which only those in the urban areas had been exposed.
The author wrote after, that “… What is striking is Ismail’s belief that the Malays would do the right thing in the long run, …”.
Further on in the book, covering the aftermath of 13th May, 1969, we see again Tun Dr. Ismail’s view on Malay rights in the speech he gave on television on 2nd August 1969. Excerpts of the speech was inserted by the author as so (page 207):
Without this special provision, the Malays at this stage cannot hope to hold their own against other communities in normal competition. This is a fact that cannot be denied. I am confident that with the passage of time, the Malays will be quite capable of meeting the non-Malays in normal competition without the special position (Siaran Akhbar PEN.8/69/22).
and again (page 215):
[The Malays] must be the judges to determine whether or not the special position is no longer necessary for their survival. Any other course would certainly provoke internal disorder — perhaps of a much bigger dimension than the disturbances of May the 13th (Siaran Akhbar PEN.8/69/22).
and also again (page 217):
The special privilege or position accorded to the Malays under the Constitution is mainly intended to enable them — to borrow an expression from the game of golf — “to have a handicap”, which would place them in a position for a fair competition with better players. Therefore, like a golfer, it should not be the aim of the Malays to perpetuate this handicap but to strive to improve their game, and thereby reducing, and finally removing, their handicap completely (Siaran Akhbar PEN.8/69/22).
Further on, in a separate speech given to the National Consultative Council (NCC) in February, 1970, Tun Dr. Ismail said (page 225):
I regard the Special Position of the Malays as a handicap given to the Malays with the consent of all the other races who have become citizens of this country so as to enable the Malays to compete on equal footing for equal opportunities in this country. That and that alone is the only aim of the Special Position of the Malays. But unfortunately the Malays themselves have tended to give the impression consciously or unconsciously that the Special Position of the Malays is a sign that the Malays are placed superior to the other races in the country. The biggest mistake that the Malays made of course was to coin the term “Bumiputra” because this term tended to convey an entirely different meaning to what was intended for the Special Position of the Malays. By coining “Bumiputra” the non-Malays suspected the Malays of wanting to classify themselves as first-class citizens while they were relegated to second-class (Letters 23 February 1970).
So, in three separate occasions, 1956, 1969 and 1970, Tun Dr. Ismail gave his opinion with regards to the Special Position of the Malays. To me, these are the salient points:
- The Special Position of the Malays is a handicap given to the Malays to help
them us compete.
- This Special Position is a slur on the ability of the Malays — in other words, the Special Position is an embarrassment, and not something to be proud of.
- Coining the term Bumiputra is, to him, one of the biggest mistakes the Malays ever made.
- He believes that when the time comes, the Malays
themselves ourselves will ask for the Special Position to be removed.
And therefore, the questions that the we Malays should ask, often and consistently, until we don’t need to ask them anymore is:
Is it time yet? Can we now remove this slur on our abilities and compete on a level playing field? Are there now enough Malays out there to ask these questions? Are there now enough Malays out there that are brave enough, strong enough, capable enough to cut through the Ketuanan Melayu shit and compete on level terms? Are there enough Malays out there who realise that “Malay” is just a construct and have no bearing on whether one is stupid, smart, pious, hedonistic, rich or poor?
Are we embarrassed enough yet?
There are, after all, no Special Ones. Apart from Jose Mourinho, that is. He’s Portuguese, so that doesn’t count.
Filed under: Book Reviews, Mentera Moden, Politics | |1 Comment
Tiga Minggu Kemudian
Tiga minggu selepas perbincangan itu, syarikat Gemilang Jasabakti S|B telah ditubuhkan and didaftarkan di Suruhanjaya Syarikat Malaysia (SSM) dengan jayanya. Oleh kerana Johan yang bukak line bagi Halim, dia melantik diri dia jadi Pengerusi Eksekutif and Halim pulak jadi Pengarah Urusan.
Diaorang punya “business card” pon dah siap dan Johan punya seperti yang tertera kat atas tu. Kad tu dibuat kat kedai Print Station kat Mid Valley. Tingkat LG, tepi KFC. Situ cepat, 2 jam siap.
Pada ketika itu, Johan dan Halim sedang mengadakan mesyuarat lembaga pengarah GJSB di pejabat urusan syarikat tersebut, yang beralamat di Meja 13, Restoran Al-Maudood Nasi Kandar 24 Jam. Syarikat yang tak sampai satu bulan lagi ni, sedang menghadapi krisis pertama mereka, sebab supplier ding-dong tu mintak duit dulu sebelum diaorang supply. Masalahnya, Dato’ tu mintak GJSB supply dulu baru Dato’ tu punya syarikat nak bayar. Kira kena hantar, lepas tu invoice, baru la boleh bayar.
Nak dikirakan, masalah ni bukan le satu masalah yang tragis sangat. Tapi supplier tu dah bagitau kat usahawan-usahawan kita ni dia akan supply 300 sekali, dan brader kita dua orang ni kena bayar RM 14,000.00. Harga satu ding-dong RM 45, jadik 300 ding-dong harga RM 13,500. Lepas tu, salesman supplier tu mintak duit kopi RM 500 supaya diaorang boleh hantar barang tu cepat.
“John,” kata Halim. “Gua rasa gua boleh korek dulu dalam 4,000 ringgit. Gua pinjam duit mak gua. Dia baru dapat EPF.”
“Ah, bagus gak tu,” jawab Halim. “Bini gua semalam baru kata dia boleh bagi pinjam 5,000 ringgit. Dia amik dulu dari Tabung Haji dia.”
“Jadik, kat dalam bank ada 6,000 ringgit. Kita sumbat masuk duit kita, lepas tu buat cek 14,000,” kata Halim. “Settle lah camtu.”
“Tak,” jawab Johan. “Kita buat satu cek 13,500. Yang lagi 500 tu kena bagi cash la brader.”
“Oh, ya.”
Seminggu Selepas Itu
Johan menalipon Halim.
“Eh, Halim. Dato’ tu cakap lu kena hantar invoice tu lagi sekali. Sebab dia kata salah eja nama syarikat. Lepas tu, dia cakap invoice tu tak terang. Ada jalur-jalur.”
“Ye lah, gua buat lain. Masa tu, printer bubblejet gua habis ink. Gua tak beli refill lagi,” jawab Halim.
“Amende lu ni! Kalau printer abis ink, lu ganti dulu la. Sial la!”
“Ye lah, ye lah. Gua dah ganti dah ni. Esok gua hantar invoice baru.”
“Hmmph!”
“Cibai lu!”
Empat Minggu Seterusnya
Halim dan Johan sedang bersidang lagi di pejabat urusan mereka. Setelah sebulan GJSB hantar invoice kat Dato’ tu, takde nampak-nampak lagi bayaran.
“John, lu rasa Dato’ tu real ke nak bayar kita ni?” tanya Halim. “Mak gua dah tanya dah minggu lepas. Dia kata gua songlap duit dia. Nasib baik dia tu mak gua. Kalau tak, gua dah ngamok dah.”
“Gua tepon dah Dato’ semalam. Dia kata dalam seminggu lagi dapat la duit tu. Lu jangan risau la, brader. Mesti dapat punya. Gua pon pressure gak ni. Bini gua pon dah kata kat gua, duit dia pinjam tu nak buat naik haji, toksah main-main.”
“Apahal lambat sangat, tapi? Dulu kata dalam seminggu dah boleh bayar.”
“Syarikat dia ada cash-flow problem skit. Diaorang mintak loan Bank Pembangunan tak lepas lagi. Tapi sekarang ni, ada sorang Dato’ cina ni nak bagi advance dulu.”
“John, Dato’ lu ni takde duit sendiri ke?”
“Halim, dia bukan takde duit, tapi kalau pakai duit sendiri kira tak pandai la. Gomen kan ada banyak duit. Nak tolong Bumi. Lepas tu, Dato’ ni memang pandai buat duit pon. Lu ingat apasal dia pow kita sekali?”
“Okeh, okeh …”
Seminggu Berikutnya
Saat yang bahagia, akhirnya datang jugak. Syarikat Dato’ tu dah pon siapkan cek dan dah di tandatangan. Tinggal nak pegi kutip je. RM 90,000 untuk 300 ding-dong, pada harga RM 300 satu. Bila mendapat panggilan dari akauntan Dato’ tu, Johan ngan Halim terus ponteng kerja pegi amik cek. Sebelum amik cek tu tapi, Halim dan Johan sendiri bukak cek sebanyak RM 38,000 — Dato’ tu punya bahagian.
Maka selesailah urusniaga sulung syarikat Bumiputera 100%, Gemilang Jasabakti Sdn. Bhd. yang diterajui oleh anak watan berwibawa, Halim dan Johan.
Mungkin ada jugak yang bertanya, apa jadik kedai macam 7-11 yang 300 tu. Kat mana kedai tu, ye tak? Akhirnya, tak jadik pon projek tu, sebab Bank Pembangunan tak lepas loan. Bank Usahawan pon tak lepas. Rupanya, Dato’ tu pakai nama anak dia, dan anak dia tu dulu ada kes sikit — kena kantoi ganja kat ITM. Ding-dong yang 300 tu … ada la kat mana-mana tu.
Gemilang Jasabakti pulak? Ha … bila ada masa, gua citer lagi. Sebab tak abis lagi ni.
Filed under: Gemilang Jasabakti, Mentera Moden | |2 Comments
As many of you would have read by now, bloggers may be required to register “with the authorities” (you cannot make this up …). To that end, we here at mentera.org have decided to be helpful and created the form below. All entries will be handled and processed by our newly set up institute, the Mentera Institute of Learning Foundation for Political Research On Nationalism (MILF-PRON).
Mentera Blogger Registration Form
If you answered yes to the above, please fill in the details below:
»» Mentera.org now accepting blogger registration
Filed under: Lame Jokes, MILF-PRON | |6 Comments
Satu pagi ni, Halim terima panggilan tepon dari Johan.
“Halim, lu kat mana?”
“Gua kat opis. Lu kat mana?”
“Gua baru keluar meeting. Gua kena jumpa lu hari ni gak, brader. Ada peluang baik, sial”
“Okey. Gua boleh keluar kul 5.30 hari ni. Gua jumpa lu tempat pot biasa? Kul 6.”
“Orait.”
Arakian, pada pukul 6 petang, berjumpalah dua rakan kita, Halim dan Johan, di pot biasa mereka, Restoran Al-Maudood Nasi Kandar 24 Jam. Johan, dengan tidak berlengah-lengah lagi, terus open story ngan Halim.
“Brader, gua tadi meeting ngan sorang Datuk ni. Dia nak bukak kedai 24 jam macam 7-11.”
“Okay … ” Halim agak pelik sikit la. “Apa kena mengena ngan gua pulak, Datuk tu nak bukak kedai?”
“Ni gua nak citer ni. Datuk tu kata dia nak bukak dalam 300 branch kat satu Malaysia ni. Itu baru start je. Lama-lama nanti, dia nak ada dalam 1,500 kedai seluruh Malaysia.”
Halim masih terkebil-kebil, tak paham.
“Kat semua kedai tu, bila lu masuk, ada bunyi ding-dong.”
“Ding-dong?”
“Macam kedai 7-11 tu la. Kan kalau lu masuk 7-11, nak beli rokok ke, nak beli getah licin ke, kat pintu tu bila lu bukak kan ada bunyi ding-dong?”
“Okay …” Halim tengah pikir si Johan ni terantuk ke kat mana-mana siang tadi, sampai ni dah jadik biol.
“Datuk tu cakap kat gua, dia nak pass kontrak supply ding-dong tu kat gua. Kira gua ngan lu la.”
“Nak supply ding-dong? Berapa riggit ding-dong tu? Lu tau ke kat mana nak dapat?”
“Brader, itu takdak hal. Datuk tu dah settle kan semua tu. Dia dah ada distributor, tinggal dia nak kita beli dari distributor, pas tu supply kat dia,” kata Johan.
“Kenapa dia tak beli terus je dari distributor tu … ” Tetiba je, lampu bulb kalimantang menyala dalam gaung yang dikenali sebagai kepala otak Halim.
Johan kemudiannya terus terangkan kat Halim segala aspek bisnes ngan Datuk tu. Harga ding-dong dari distributor tu, RM45. Datuk tu nak diaorang jual kat kedai Datuk tu, RM300. Jadik, diaorang buat duit, RM76,500 untuk 300 kedai. Datuk tu nak separuh, jadik Halim ngan Johan buat duit RM38,250. Ikut kata Johan, Datuk tu nak test je dulu kalau diaorang ni ada tokoh nak jadik usahawan Bumiputra yang cemerlang. Kalau okey yang tu, Datuk tu akan bagi lagi kontrak-kontrak lain, macam supply lagi ding-dong tu untuk kedai-kedai dia yang nak sampai 1,500, dan jugak apa-apa lain yang berbangkit lah, seperti mendapatkan AP. Tapi tu semua jauh lagi. Buat masa ni, kena tunjuk kat Datuk tu yang brader dua orang ni, berwibawa.
Setelah Halim dengar penjelasan Johan, dia pon macam teruja la jugak. “Eh, John, abis kita kena buat apa sekarang ni?”
“Sekarang ni kita kena bukak syarikat. Harga nak bukak Sdn. Bhd. dalam 2,000 ringgit camtu,” jawab Johan. “Gua masuk 1,000, lu masuk 1,000, ok?”
“Orait la tu, gua takdak hal.”
Maka tertubuhlah syarikat Gemilang Jasabakti Sdn. Bhd. dengan saham dibenarkan sebanyak RM100,000 dan saham berbayar sebanyak RM2. Johan seringgit, Halim seringgit.
Bersambung …
Filed under: Gemilang Jasabakti, Mentera Moden | |4 Comments
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