Sempena Mesyuarat Agung Tahunan UMNO — Mempersembahkan … UMTEAM!

October 31st, 2007 gier

Seperti yang kita maklum, Mesyuarat Agung Tahunan UMNO akan berlansung tidak lama lagi. Sejurus daripada itu, memetik daripada wawancara yang telah dilakukan bersama Dato’ Norza Zakaria di Malaysiakini tidak lama dulu, dan juga berdasarkan kepada liputan wawancara tersebut di blog ini, pihak penganalisa MILF-PRON telah menyiapkan “team-sheet” untuk pasukan UMNO-TEAM (UMTEAM) yang dijangka akan bergasak sesama sendiri dan juga mana-mana lawan — tak kira musuh (seperti PKR, PAS, DAP), ataupun sekutu (GERAKAN, PPP). Sila tatapi “team-sheet” yang diberikan dibawah (klik pada imej untuk yang lebih besar):

Seperti yang dapat kita lihat, UMTEAM menggunakan susunan 4-3-3, dengan Dato’ Abdullah sebagai penyerang utama, disokong oleh sayap kiri dan kanan. Bahagian tengah padang di kuasai oleh Dato’ Shahrizat, bersama dengan Dato’ Hamid Albar dan Dato’ Radzi Sheikh Ahmad. Barisan pertahanan pula mempraktikkan “diamond formation” yang mana Dato’ Seri Najib Razak menduduki posisi “overlapping left-back” supaya dia boleh menghidupkan falsafah “out from left field” dan menggegarkan lawan.

Penjaga gol, tidak lain tidak bukan lagi … Dato’ Seri Nazri Aziz. Yang merisaukan pada prestasi Dato’ Nazri ialah kebolehannya untuk menjaringkan gol sendiri …

Barisan simpanan adalah wawasan MILF-PRON berdasarkan wawancara yang disebut di atas. Kita dapati yang Dato’ Mukhriz ada di tepi sedikit. Ini adalah kerana, pada pendapat kami, Dato’ Mukhriz kalau boleh ingin di “transfer” ke pasukan lain, tetapi oleh kerana tiada pasukan lain yang “credible”, dan juga pasukan UMNO (Baru) ini diasaskan oleh penyerang/pertahanan terbaik mereka yang juga merupakan bapanya sendiri (Tun Mahathir), maka memanglah tiada pasukan lain yang dapat disertainya.

Adalah dijangka bahawa sekiranya pemain simpanan lain, pada satu hari nanti dapat menjadi “first Eleven”, Dato’ Mukhriz mungkin akan di “drop” kan. Entahlah beb.

Sekian analisa “team-sheet” UMTEAM oleh penganalisa Mentera Institute of Learning Foundation for Political Research On Nationalism, MILF-PRON.

Terima Kasih.

Posted in Lame Jokes, MILF-PRON, Politics | 5 Comments »

mentera.org Now Offers To Buy Your PizzaHut Pizza For YOU!

October 17th, 2007 gier

According to this blog entry, PizzaHut has a “Race:” section on the bill. Haris received an email, detailing the alleged use of the “Race:” section. Apparently, and allegedly, if you’re a Malay (nee’ Bumiputra), you don’t need to pay service charges or tax. If you’re, say, Chinese, Indian or Dan Lain-lain, then you kena.

Is this true? Can it be true? Surely not.

However, if it is true, then we here at mentera.org[1] offer our services to the non-Malays who want to eat at PizzaHut. We shall go there with you, order for you … and instead of paying those guys service and govt. tax (which would be 15% of the meal cost), just pay us 7.5% (plus out of pocket expenses, of course). We won’t even eat with you, though if you think we should, we’d be happy to oblige.

[1] Who are of the right race, religion, colour and creed … [2]

[2] Truth be told, I am uncertain of my ancestry. Am some sort of mongrel. Mack is a true blue (well, dark brown actually) Malabari, but his IC says he’s a Malay (by inference). I wanted to file a dispute at the NRD, but they said that they don’t actually have any dispute resolution forms on account of the fact that one’s race is indisputably categorised by the govt.

Posted in Lame Jokes, Mentera Moden | 4 Comments »

Kisah supply “toner”

October 15th, 2007 gier

Maka alkisahnya Syarikat Gemilang Jasabakti Sdn. Bhd. yang diterajui oleh Halim dan Johan, setelah berjaya dalam urusniaga mereka yang pertama, semakin rancak maju kehadapan. Sesudahnya membekalkan ding-dong dulu, Gemilang Jasabakti mendapat kontrak-kontrak lain pula. Antaranya ialah membekal “toner” untuk sebuah Jabatan kerajaan di bawah satu Kementerian.

Untuk membekal toner ni, GJSB terpaksa mendaftar dengan Kementerian Kewangan, sebagai pembekal kelengkapan IT. Antara syarat-syarat nak jadi pembekal IT kepada kerajaan, kena ada seorang daripada pengarah syarikat tu kelulusan IT, dan jugak ada kakitangan berkelulusan IT. Halim tu, kelulusan kejuruteraan sivil. John pulak kelulusan Business Administration, walaupun Johan pernah bekerja di sebuah syarikat IT. Oh ya, oleh kerana Syarikat GJSB memang dah mula maju, kedua-dua brader ni berhenti dari kerja lama diaorang dan sekarang menumpukan sepenuh perhatian kepada GJSB ni.

Untuk mendapat pendaftaran KK tu, diaorang tanya kat Dato’ Zak, “penaung” mereka dari zaman ding-dong dulu lagi, samada ada apa-apa cara atau “lobang” memandangkan pada dasarnya diaorang ni tak layak.

Memanglah nasib mereka ni baik, sebab kena la pulak sorang anak Dato’ Zak ni memang ada kelulusan dalam bidang IT. Ikram, anak Dato’ Zak tu merupakan pemegang ijazah Bachelor of Science, Information Technologies dari University of Kellogg Northwestern, USA. Dia baru graduate 3 tahun lepas, dan selama ni bekerja sebagai Analyst (penganalisa) dekat satu syarikat pakar runding antarabangsa yang beroperasi dari KLCC. Atas pujukan (dan arahan) Dato’ Zak, Ikram letak jawatan dia kat syarikat tu dan join Halim dan Johan di GJSB. Dato’ Zak pulak masukkan duit dia sendiri sebanyak RM 25,000 dalam GJSB sebagai saham pemilik (pakai nama Ikram la, sebab nama dia tak boleh “keluar”). Sekaligus, campur sini-sana, saham berbayar GJSB naik sampai RM 112,000, dan saham dibenarkan sekarang dah RM 500,000. Panjang citer gak macam mana naik sampai RM 112,000, tapi citer pendek dia Johan tu gunakan untung yang diterima dalam projek-projek sebelum ni untuk naik kan saham berbayar tu.

Ish, panjang la pulak “back story” ni. Nak lagi pendekkan citer, kontrak supply toner ni, Dato’ Zak jugak yang dapatkan untuk GJSB, sebab tu dia pon semangat nak letak anak dia, Ikram, kat dalam GJSB.

Dia ada cakap kat Johan, “Awak dengan Halim ni, saya nampak memang anak Melayu yang bagus. Jadi, kau berdua tolong bagi petunjuk sikit kat Ikram tu, bagi dia nampak cara-cara nak jadi usahawan bumiputra.” Sambung Dato’ Zak lagi, “Saya memang yakin GJSB ni akan berjaya dan dapat pergi jauh. Sebab tu saya akan letak sekali duit saya dalam GJSB ni. Dan saya akan tolong lagi, dapatkan kontrak-kontrak lain.”

Macam tu lah. Kalau tak ada Dato’ Zak ni, memang tak naik Halim ngan Johan, dan mereka berdua ni memang terhutang budi kat dia, jadik Ikram join tu diaorang tak ada hal sangat lah.

Okeh, balik kepada supply toner tu.

Jabatan kerajaan tu sebelum ni ada keluar tender untuk beli komputer, rangkaian dan printer. Setelah tender tu keluar, baru la tersedar dalam “spec” tender tu tak masuk pasal “consumables” — toner-toner untuk printer. Jadi, keluar la lagi satu sebutharga untuk supply toner. Sebab bajet untuk beli toner tu kurang dari RM 200,000, tak payah tender balik. Kena dapat sebutharga dari 3 syarikat bumiputra je. Dan sememangnya, satu je pon syarikat yang masuk sebutharga tu, GJSB. Lagi dua syarikat, diaorang tong-tong pakai pendaftaran KK syarikat lain dan masukkan quote lebih tinggi dari GJSB. Ni perkara biasa, banyak syarikat-syarikat Bumiputra buat camtu.

Jabatan tu perlukan sebanyak 20 toner sebulan, dan kontrak ni untuk satu tahun (12 bulan). Harga runcit pasaran satu toner tu, RM 250. Jadi, untuk 12 bulan x 20 toner, jumlah harganya … RM 60,000 (240 toner). Tapi, memandangkan bajet Jabatan tu RM 200,000, tak guna la supply rendah sangat, ye tak? Bajet dah ada. Kalau tak belanja, nanti orang soal pulak, ye tak?

Arakian, GJSB masuk quote sebanyak RM 833 satu toner, menjadikan jumlah sebutharga tu … RM 199,200. Ini merupakan kadar keuntungan sebanyak lebih daripada 200%. Seperti biasa, Dato’ Zak amik la sikit, sebab dia yang tolong dapatkan kontrak tu, dan jugak kena la bagi sikit kat pegawai Jabatan tu yang bagi lobang kat Dato’ Zak. Jadik, kena pass kat Dato’ Zak RM 60,000. Tak kisah lah … janji untung, ye tak?

Sebenarnya, Jabatan tu pon, takde la nak pakai sampai 20 toner sebulan. Kegunaan printer tu tak sekata sepanjang tahun. Ada bulan pakai 5 toner, ada bulan pakai 12 toner. Pegawai IT Jabatan tu bagitau kat pengurusan yang jumlah maksimum yang digunakan dalam sebulan ialah 20 toner. Sebab tu Jabatan tu mintak 20 toner sebulan. Kalau Jabatan tu amik jumlah minima atau purata, takut ada bulan tak cukup toner, dah tak boleh print pulak. Dan untuk kontrak macam ni, Jabatan tu nak elakkan daripada membuat V.O. (”variable order“) sebab V.O. ni boleh membawa kepada rasuah ataupon corruption. Jadi, untuk menentukan yang Jabatan tu tak ketandusan toner, tak terjebak dalam anasir korupsi and dapat menolong syarikat Melayu, maka Jabatan tu beli lah 20 toner sebulan.

Dan supaya Pegawai tak ditanya kenapa bajet yang diberikan tak dibelanja sepenuhnya, Jabatan tu dapatlah membeli toner dengan harga RM 833 sebijik, walaupon harga pasaran hanya RM 250.

Dan GJSB semakin melangkah maju …

Posted in Gemilang Jasabakti | 4 Comments »

A Muslim’s Lament Regarding Science

October 9th, 2007 gier

There is an article on the August issue Physics Today, titled “Science and the Islamic world—The quest for rapprochement” that I think is a must read for any right thinking Muslim. The writer is the chair and professor in the department of physics at Quaid-i-Azam University in Islamabad, Pakistan. In the article, he argued that science in the Muslim world essentially collapsed after the 13th century, after many centuries prior in making major advances.

He attributed this fall partly to the rise of fundamental Islam, which won the conflict against rationalist and liberal Islamic factions. That’s a weak simplification of the author’s reasoning on my part, obviously, but that’s the gist of it.

Then, using the OIC countries as a representation of the Muslim world, he proceeded to try and measure Muslim scientific progress, using four metrics,

• The quantity of scientific output, weighted by some reasonable measure of relevance and importance;
• The role played by science and technology in the national economies, funding for S&T, and the size of the national scientific enterprises;
• The extent and quality of higher education; and
• The degree to which science is present or absent in popular culture.

He then expanded on each of the four metrics.

Malaysia, being an OIC country, was obviously included in his study, and compared to other Muslim countries, we seemed to have come out rather okay. See Table 1 and Table 2 in the article, for a comparison of Malaysia against other countries. Table 1 shows “The seven most scientifically productive Islamic countries as of early 2007, compared against a selection of other countries” and Table 2 shows “High-technology exports as a percentage of total manufactured exports”.

It was interesting to see how Malaysia is looked at by outside eyes as a Muslim country. Consider the following observation by the author (emphasis mine):

Malaysia – a rather atypical Muslim country with a 40% non-Muslim minority – is much smaller than neighboring Indonesia but is nevertheless more productive.

and regarding the results in Table 2:

The anomalous position of Malaysia in table 2 has its explanation in the large direct investment made by multinational companies and in having trading partners that are overwhelmingly non-OIC countries.

I’m cherry-picking, I know, but the conclusion that I get from the above, plus other little factoids within the article is that, Malaysia is a bit of a strong performer within the OIC countries when it comes to science, though compared with the more developed world, we’re still laggards. Further, I would posit that we achieved this superstar (in our own Muslim backyard) status not because we’re a Muslim country, but because we are an atypical one.

In other words, it is likely that the multi-cultural and multi-religious nature of Malaysia that has made us rather better than the more homogeneous Muslim nations. It is because we have Muslims, Hindus, Christians, Buddhists, Animists, ekcetera (maybe the odd Jew or two?). It is because we are not a monoculture.

Right … anyway.

Further along the article, the author notes that in his opinion, science and religion remain at odds with one another. Aside from examples given regarding other religions, he had this to say about Muslims:

In the Islamic world, opposition to science in the public arena takes additional forms. Antiscience materials have an immense presence on the internet, with thousands of elaborately designed Islamic websites, some with view counters running into the hundreds of thousands. A typical and frequently visited one has the following banner: “Recently discovered astounding scientific facts, accurately described in the Muslim Holy Book and by the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) 14 centuries ago.” Here one will find that everything from quantum mechanics to black holes and genes was anticipated 1400 years ago.

Science, in the view of fundamentalists, is principally seen as valuable for establishing yet more proofs of God, proving the truth of Islam and the Qur’an, and showing that modern science would have been impossible but for Muslim discoveries. Antiquity alone seems to matter. One gets the impression that history’s clock broke down somewhere during the 14th century and that plans for repair are, at best, vague. In that all-too-prevalent view, science is not about critical thought and awareness, creative uncertainties, or ceaseless explorations. Missing are websites or discussion groups dealing with the philosophical implications from the Islamic point of view of the theory of relativity, quantum mechanics, chaos theory, superstrings, stem cells, and other contemporary science issues.

There were so many points of resonance in the article, since I have always thought that Islam as it is practised today is too steeped in rituals and mysticism. To see that there are others with the same point of view is … a relief, actually.

Professor Hoodbhoy then continues to suggest ways in which Islam and modern science can be reconciled. He wrote:

Science can prosper among Muslims once again, but only with a willingness to accept certain basic philosophical and attitudinal changes—a Weltanschauung that shrugs off the dead hand of tradition, rejects fatalism and absolute belief in authority, accepts the legitimacy of temporal laws, values intellectual rigor and scientific honesty, and respects cultural and personal freedoms. The struggle to usher in science will have to go side-by-side with a much wider campaign to elbow out rigid orthodoxy and bring in modern thought, arts, philosophy, democracy, and pluralism.

He advocates that religion not be state enforced, instead leaving it as a matter of choice for the individual. He ends by writing:

This leaves secular humanism, based on common sense and the principles of logic and reason, as our only reasonable choice for governance and progress. Being scientists, we understand this easily. The task is to persuade those who do not.

It must be said that the arguments he gave out are quite persuasive — if you’re already in the same choir. Appealing to the more rigid practitioners of Islam may be a tad bit more difficult. After all, there were several pressure points that might make them refuse to listen: secular humanism, pluralism, elbowing out rigid orthodoxy, and the separation of mysticism from scientific research — i.e. use reasoning first, and not automatically ascribe everything to divine revelation.

The pdf of the article can also be downloaded on the site.

Posted in Mentera Moden | 7 Comments »

Another Communal Party Enters The Fray

October 8th, 2007 gier

Over at Malaysia’s bestest online comic, Malaysiakini, comes the news that Dato’ S. Nallakarupan has just started a new party, the Malaysian Indian United Party (MIUP)[1]. According to the report, Nallakarupan formed MIUP because he realised that “(PKR) has marginalised the Indian community.” As regular readers of Mentera (all seven of you) would know, Dato’ Nalla was once a member of PKR and left in a huff after he was overlooked from being the party’s candidate at the Ijok by-election in favour of Tan Sri Khalid Ibrahim (not that it mattered, because PKR got whupped). Apparently, Nalla had also brought 10,000 Indian members into PKR before he bogged off.

At the press conference, which was attended by some 100 people, Nalla announced that MIUP was registered on the 14th of September, and now has 100 members. I’m sure one can appreciate the symmetry there. Further, he stated that he will gather 3,000 to 4,000 members next month, rising to 20,000 members in 3 to 4 months time. Well, if he had brought 10,000 members into PKR, it should not be a problem to pull them out and insert them into MIUP, so that would leave him with just another 10,000 people to gather up.

With regards to the leadership of the party, Nalla had this to say:

“… I will be the party president and I have identified a team of capable leaders who will help me run it.”

No mention of an election there, one notes. It seems that Nalla has figured out the fastest way to become president of a political party — start one yourself.

The raison d’etre of the party “will be to ‘bring up’ the Indian community which is lagging in economic, political and social development.”

It seems that Nalla, as so many others in this racially blighted country of ours figure that the first order of priority is to save one’s race first, where after that is done, presumably the next order of business is to get one’s race to be dominant. In this, I have to agree with Gerakan’s Acting President, Dr Koh Tsu Koon, who said that “Playing too much racial politics will destroy us“. The man has a point, even if he is from Gerakan.

Finally, I note with amusement that the first paragraph in the Malaysiakini began with:

S Nallakarupan, who achieved fame as Anwar Ibrahim’s former tennis partner, today announced that he has formed a new Indian political party.

That’s right, Nalla’s first claim to fame was that he played tennis with Anwar …

[1] I assume MIUP is pronounced Mee-Yoop. A better name would be the Malaysian Indian Solidarity United Party, MISUP.

Posted in Politics | No Comments »