Fatwa me, fatwa you, ah haa …
Not too long ago (last week in fact) the National Fatwa Council decreed that women should not wear men’s clothes. Because it may lead them to having lesbian secks with other women (who may or may not be wearing men’s clothes, or indeed any clothes at all). For some people (myself included) this ban is about as useful as a bicycle is to a fish. After all, clothes do not make a man (or a woman, dyke or otherwise). You cannot make a person gay by making him or her wear the opposite sex’s clothes. Also, homosexuality is not a disease and some might argue may not even necessarily be against the natural order of things. Further, I’d like to suggest a crazy idea for the wise mullahs in the council: maybe, just maybe, the lesbians were made by God that way? Maybe, just maybe, sexual orientation is not necessarily “obtained”, but is rather built-in? These are not new ideas for many, but it might be a new one for the mullah dudes.
Having said that, a further while back, it seems that the mullah dudes were also deliberating on the magnetic bracelets worn by men. They wanted to “meet with producers and distributors of the magnetic band and see their tests to determine if there are medicinal elements.”
The Johor Mufti then went on to say that “when the council was satisfied with the scientific and clinical tests, it would decide whether the use of the magnetic band was against Islam or not.”
I can only infer that if there were no medicinal elements found, the magnetic bands would be, well, banned. Also, I can only assume that reason for the ban would be because the bands would make men look effiminate — which may lead to ghey secks. Inferences and assumptions, dudes.
Anyway, I’d like to save the mullahs some time and effort in trying to determine the efficacy of these bands in improving blood circulation:
They don’t do squat, o’ my wise religious overlords. They’re a scam, useless quackery, pseudo-scientific trinkets. They don’t improve anyone’s circulation and in so far as anyone can tell, they don’t make you ghey, either. If magnets do improve blood circulation, we’d be putting coils around our homes and switch them on to make a huge electromagnet. Circulate that!
Finally, today there’s news that another fatwa will be produced soon, on Yoga. This is because a UKM lecturer advised Muslims “to stop practising it for fear that it could deviate them from their belief.” He suggested prayer instead. Quite.
The notion that Islam is a “way of life” has become a fashionable one these days, and it seems that the broadest interpretation of it means that personal and public space are one and the same. Not just that, it seems like many Muslims in Malaysia are welcoming the idea of having their lives regulated and “guided” by the wise mullahs and their interpretation of the religion.
Bleh! Not this guy!