Warming Up

October 2nd, 2009 gier Posted in Dazed and Confused, Lame Jokes | No Comments »

I’ve not written anything for a while. That’s because my heid’s been smashed every way to Sunday these past few months. I need to write some shit again, but really out of practice.

But, like exercise for the body, the heid needs to be exercised too, and before exercise, it needs to do some stretching and warm-ups. I’ll be damned if I know what to warm-up with, though.

However, realising that I’ve never been accused of the crime of originality, I shall reproduce here the script of Scene 3 from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. This is as an accompaniment to the link provided earlier on FB.

It’s from a movie made in 1975, yet very much relevant as a counterpoint to … well … if you don’t know to what, you won’t get it, anyway. In short, PSM FTW.

Also, I need to figure out whether I can still spell, never mind write.

p.s. JQ, as usual, something’s in the works, dude.

Original source of script is at sacred-texts.

Scene 3

      [clop clop]
  ARTHUR:  Old woman!
  DENNIS:  Man!
  ARTHUR: Old Man, sorry.  What knight live in that castle over there?
  DENNIS:  I'm thirty seven.
  ARTHUR:  What?
  DENNIS:  I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old!
  ARTHUR:  Well, I can't just call you `Man'.
  DENNIS:  Well, you could say `Dennis'.
  ARTHUR:  Well, I didn't know you were called `Dennis.'
  DENNIS:  Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?
  ARTHUR:  I did say sorry about the `old woman,' but from the behind
      you looked--
  DENNIS:  What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!
  ARTHUR:  Well, I AM king...
  DENNIS:  Oh king, eh, very nice.  An' how'd you get that, eh?  By
      exploitin' the workers -- by 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma
      which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society!
      If there's ever going to be any progress--
  WOMAN:  Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here.  Oh -- how d'you do?
  ARTHUR:  How do you do, good lady.  I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
      Who's castle is that?
  WOMAN:  King of the who?
  ARTHUR:  The Britons.
  WOMAN:  Who are the Britons?
  ARTHUR:  Well, we all are. we're all Britons and I am your king.
  WOMAN:  I didn't know we had a king.  I thought we were an autonomous
      collective.
  DENNIS:  You're fooling yourself.  We're living in a dictatorship.
      A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
  WOMAN:  Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
  DENNIS:  That's what it's all about if only people would--
  ARTHUR:  Please, please good people.  I am in haste.  Who lives
      in that castle?
  WOMAN:  No one live there.
  ARTHUR:  Then who is your lord?
  WOMAN:  We don't have a lord.
  ARTHUR:  What?
  DENNIS:  I told you.  We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune.  We take
      it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
  ARTHUR:  Yes.
  DENNIS:  But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified
      at a special biweekly meeting.
  ARTHUR:  Yes, I see.
  DENNIS:  By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,--
  ARTHUR:  Be quiet!
  DENNIS:  --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--
  ARTHUR:  Be quiet!  I order you to be quiet!
  WOMAN:  Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
  ARTHUR:  I am your king!
  WOMAN:  Well, I didn't vote for you.
  ARTHUR:  You don't vote for kings.
  WOMAN:  Well, 'ow did you become king then?
  ARTHUR:  The Lady of the Lake,
      [angels sing]
      her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur
      from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I,
      Arthur, was to carry Excalibur.
      [singing stops]
      That is why I am your king!
  DENNIS:  Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords
      is no basis for a system of government.  Supreme executive power
      derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical
      aquatic ceremony.
  ARTHUR:  Be quiet!
  DENNIS:  Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power
      just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
  ARTHUR:  Shut up!
  DENNIS:  I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just
      because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd
      put me away!
  ARTHUR:  Shut up!  Will you shut up!
  DENNIS:  Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
  ARTHUR:  Shut up!
  DENNIS:  Oh!  Come and see the violence inherent in the system!
      HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!
  ARTHUR:  Bloody peasant!
  DENNIS:  Oh, what a give away.  Did you here that, did you here that,
      eh?  That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me,
      you saw it didn't you?