GERAMM/PROTES … and why it’s rubbish

July 4th, 2008 gier

So, this Sunday there is supposed to be a “1 Million” march or rally or something, to be held at Stadium Shah Alam Padang Timur Stadium Kelana Jaya. Ostensibly, it is to protest against the fuel price increase, which have burdened the rakyat. Or, it’s an anti-inflation march. I’m not really sure myself, in all honesty. My fault, I’m sure for not being civil society enough, or summink. However, the following reasons are why I think the rally (or whatever the thing is, since it also includes entertainment, apparently) is rubbish:

1. The expected turn out is “thousands of people”, which I’m afraid to point out is less than 1 million. So, it’s false advertising.

2. I actually think that the rise in fuel was inevitable, and Anwar’s assertion to reduce the fuel price “when I am Prime Minister” to be a rather blatant populist statement. I hate the price increase, but then so do everyone else. But to plunder the country’s reserves and Petronas just so you could get into power is just careless.

3. It’s an extension of the Pakatan Rakyat’s strategy to whip up the rakyat’s support for them to topple the government. How about actually doing some governing, eh? I, for one, refuse to be led by the nose and used as a pawn or part of some leverage to pressure others. I’d like to see what you can actually do first, okay. And right now, not fucking much, apart from making noises, and marching and rallying, it seems. BERSIH was different, because it was for a free elections, so that people can actually vote properly. For government. For democracy. For the right to have Gwen Stefani and Ella concerts.

4. And the biggest reason to not go to the rally: Because I fear that it’ll turn into another Anwar love fest with the braying, shouting, screaming fanbois and fangirls agreeing with everything he says after having left their brains at home. The only thing worse than the sycophantic drooling masses of the Cult of Anwar is the sycophantic drooling masses of the Cult of Mahathir. Even then, I’m not so sure.

Like some others, I am hoping that the business of government will eventually return to governing. That means you too, Pakatan Rakyat.

Bleh!

Posted in Mentera Moden, Politics | 2 Comments »

Truth or Die!

June 26th, 2008 gier

Okay, I don’t know how to say this without actually sounding like I’m dissing someone’s traditions and culture … but I have to say something.

Any Malaysian still awake knows about RPK’s statutory declaration, saying that he was “reliably informed” about certain things regarding the late Altantuya’s murder, and that these things involved the Deputy Prime Minister, his wife, the Prime Minister, the Prime Minister’s son-in-law and also a Sultan. There isn’t even any point in linking to the stat dec.

So, people blah blah blah lah about why the PM, DPM, KJ, DPM’s wifey didn’t say anything until recently. And today … *sigh* … today on the subscription-based online comic, Malaysiakini, we get a report saying that the State Reform Party (Star) president, Dr. Patau Rubis, has suggested that the “dispute between Deputy Prime Minister Najib Tun Razak and his wife Rosmah and blogger Raja Petra Kamaruddin over the truth of the matter relating to the Altantuya murder case is perhaps best settled by the traditional Bidayuh way …”

What’s the traditional Bidayuh way, you ask?

Well, according to Dr. Patau Rubis (who is willing to “sponsor” the ceremony), the trio has to go and “swear before a Bidayuh ketua gawai in the Kampung Gumbang baruk (head house) to the truth of their statements to the authorities.”

Yea, verily.

Why would that solve anything, you ask?

Well, Dr. Patau Rubis says that “the Bidayuh belief is that anyone who tells a lie will die within three weeks.”

So, in other words, the three people should go to the ketua gawai, swear that they’ve done “nuffink wrong, guv. You is not got me bang to rights, no sir! I DID NOT DO IT!” And the one(s) who is a lyer, DIES! That’s right. The lyer gets DEAD! In three (3) weeks!

Of course, Dr. Patau Rubis then added, “But if you are scared to come, let the court decide the matter.”

Quite.

I need a fucking break.

Posted in Mentera Moden, Politics | No Comments »

PAS Yoofs, amik kau, Sultan dah marah la

June 18th, 2008 gier

It’s interesting to see how the PAS Yoof wing seems to have lost the plot recently. First there was the white school blouse thingy, supporting the National Islamic Students Association of Malaysia’s “condemnation“. Then they hit on the bright idea of having hardline Islamic law enacted in all the Pakatan Rakyat states … which would have surprised Selangor, and especially Penang, surely.

And now, ooh … ban concert with Ella (still hot after all these years!) and Mas Idayu (dunno who she is) or PAS Yoof will demonstrate at the stadium. Yea, verily, they shall smite the heretics and infidels who dare to watch two ladies singing on stage before a football match. Well, not smite, exactly … more like standing around outside with placards, I guess. They also suggested that Mawi would be a more suitable singer. Heee!

Anyway, now the Sultan of Selangor has lost his rag with these PAS Yoofs. According to the Star, HM said that these PAS Yoofs are hypocritical twats obsessing over trivial matters (I’m paraphrasing, I’ve no idea what HM actually said). Ella in turn also expressed her disappointment and anger at PAS Yoof’s “baseless accusations”, saying that they have no right to judge her. You go grrl! You so HOT! Err … where was I?

Actually, maybe the Pakatan Rakyat believers are the ones who have lost the plot. Maybe PR supporters believed PAS when they signed the Peep’s Declaration, when they waxed lyrical about the welfare state (socialist Islamists … who would’ve thought, eh?), when they presented a more moderate, understanding face? Can a leopard change its polka dots?

Can the PAS Yoof ever get a clue than not everyone wants to play in the same team?

Posted in Mentera Moden, Politics | 3 Comments »

B4: Low of the MPs

May 13th, 2008 gier

So it came to pass that in Khairy Jamaluddin’s debate on the Royal Address, he mentioned that the Selangor state government was implementing a “Projek Khinzir Raksasa” – the Mega Pig Project. This, of course, elicited shouts of protest from the opposition, asking for a retraction. Further, KJ went on “to talk of Pakatan Rakyat’s wild dreams of “flying carpets and turbans”, “flying rockets” and “flying pigs”“.

And so the baying pack that is the opposition started to froth at the mouth, turning parliament into bedlam (or at least a poor imitation of one, because we are not yet a 1st world parliament) … and somewhere in there, one of the opposition shouts back, “Babi Negeri!”

Wahlau! This babi issue got legs, I tells you. Babi here, babi there, babi in parliament – to complement the monkey and bigfoot.

Is there any other animal as maligned as the babi in Malaysia?

Posted in Mentera Moden, Politics | 1 Comment »

We won’t have a first world parliament until …

April 30th, 2008 gier

… our Members of Parliament get into full-blown brawls and fisticuffs. This calling people monkey and bigfoot shows how far behind we are in the world, really.

In an advanced country like Japan, say, the MPs hit the shit out of each other over whose suit is the grayest. Once I saw a recording of the Japanese Diet on the BBC where one of the MPs jumped across the floor, flew towards the other side’s MP and threw a punch. Bladi hell, solid one some more. I’ve been trying for the life of me to find that clip again. Because after that punch, it turned into a full-scale brawl where both sides just went for it. So look at Japan and compare it with us.

Japan’s not the only one, too. Taiwan has a 20-year tradition of beating the shit out of each other in Parliament. But they’re stopping now, apparently.

Was planning a post that’s more sarky than this, but no time ah.

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Enough is enough — Pakatan Rakyat must go down!

April 22nd, 2008 gier

As the premier political research institute under the armpits of mentera.org, the Mentera Institute of Learning Foundation for Political Research On Nationalism (MILF-PRON) has observed, with increasing disquiet, the dismal political landscape of the nation today. It is like a plague, a blight on our march towards a guided monarchy with a constitutional democracy.

The so-called Pakatan Rakyat government is riddled with corruption, cronyism and nepotism. Furthermore, it is not a stretch to imagine that two of the component parties inside PR, PAS and DAP, are working together trying their level best to convert this beloved nation of ours into an Islamist Secularist country! Such a state, should it come to pass, would turn the country into an anarchic, fascist, right-wing, socialist welfare failed state.

As for PKR, the party which many consider to be the backbone of PKR, their nepotistic tendencies have not gone unnoticed. For example, consider who the de facto leader of the party is; then consider who the official President of the party is; and next, consider who the Minister of Parliament for Lembah Pantai is! We are sure that our readers are smart enough to cross the i’s and dot the t’s, but in case you’re not, they’re all in the same family! Oh, yes. Bet some of you didn’t see that one, eh?

That’s not all. Consider the State Assemblyman for Kota Damansara, Dr. Nasir Hashim. He’s the cousin of Tan Sri Rahim Thamby Chik! What on earth is going on? Nepotism, we know thy name …

Of course, nepotism is not limited to PKR. The Chief Minister of Penang is, wouldn’t you know, the son of the party Supremo! And the Secretary-General of the party is the son of the Supremo too. And why is the Supremo called the Supremo? Shouldn’t the Secretary-General be the Supremo? Ahah! A conspiracy, uncovered.

As for PAS, we know for a fact that the son-in-law of former party president, Fadzil Noor is an active member in their Youth Wing, as the Secretary. Would you believe it? He’s just a son-in-law and he walks around doing stuff for the party.

Consider further the issue of the appointment of councillors in the King-less Republic of Penang. According to a recent report on the online comic, Malaysiakini, the ruling government have appointed “boys”, rather than giving the posts on merit. An NGO coalition stated that instead of providing 10 posts to their own NGO gang, the government only had 7 posts given to NGOs — and not their NGOs, either, but other people’s NGOs!

Too, there were accusations from “loyal” party members as well, that the government chose to ignore the hard work and, yes, loyalty of the party members and instead chose people from NGOs into the posts. Instead of giving so many posts (7) to NGOs and “strangers”, the posts should instead be given to party members, some of whom have sucked up to the party leaders for a long time. The overt act of cronyism, by appointing other people instead of themselves is, as anyone might agree, totally beyond the pale.

Therefore, in our opinion, this has gone on too long, and must not be allowed to continue and fester, like a bad boil on the arse. So, we call on the People to rise and give the old, rotting and decrepit Pakatan Rakyat the what for! Let them know that their acts of corruption, cronyism and nepotism are vile, and that we won’t stand for it anymore. Come the next General Election, we must all vote for … uh … the other guys.

Thank you.

Makkal Sakti!

Bersih, Cekap, dan Amanah!

Posted in MILF-PRON, Politics | No Comments »

The Slow Rise and Seemingly Rapid Fall of Nalla the Fella’s MIUP

April 1st, 2008 gier

In a development that even astrologists and fung suey masters could have predicted accurately, it seems that the Malaysian Indian United Party (MIUP) is imploding, at least in Penang (and, of course, Klang). Yea, verily, it was reported in the best online comic in town that 130 MIUP branches in Penang are planning to close shop. Apparently this is because “MIUP Penang chairperson L Balasupramaniyam, 44, and his supporters are upset and disillusioned with Nallakaruppan’s ‘diddling’ political style.”

But, what was Nalla the Fella diddling on? Well, for starters, the fler elected himself as the supreme lord president chairman of the party, but that’s okay. Then, when the Hindraf flers went marching around, asking the British government for some spare change (to the tune of 4,000,000,000,000,000,000 pounds), Nalla said that only BN can save Malaysians of ethnic Indian descent. And in the run-up to the 12th General Election, he went on a rant about his erstwhile tennis partner, Anwar Ibrahim.

So, now a few of the 20,000,000,000 x e^10 members of MIUP have realised that Nalla has no real interest in defending the People, but every interest in defending his own right to be Nalla the butt-kissing, mealy-mouthed, wishy-washy former tennis partner. Who didn’t get to be the PKR candidate in the Ijok by-election and threw a hissy fit.

Of course, some of the departing MIUP members only joined because they wanted higher positions within the party. Well, they should just start their own parties and appoint themselves the undisputed supreme lord president chairman for life of their respective parties. Just like Nalla the not-so-good-Fella.

We is not surprised.

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Workers Revolution! – A Welcome to the People’s Democratic Socialist Republic of Sg. Siput!

March 11th, 2008 gier

In the recently concluded General Election, a new era, a new dawn, a tsunami, and a whole host of other cliches began in Malaysia. Oh yes! For Comrade Jeyakumar, Central Committee Member of Parti Sosialis Malaysia was elected as the beloved leader of Sg. Siput. In this joyous and momentous occasion, we at mentera.org would like to remind our comrades that the revolution is not yet over. Today, Sg. Siput is just a parliamentary seat but we must work together so that we can secede from the brutal and oppressive capitalist state of Malaysia and build the People’s Democratic Socialist Republic of Sg. Siput!

Now that the capitalistic and oppressive Chairman of Maika Holdings have been removed from power, we urge Comrade Kumar to continue the struggle against oppression of the working class by the self-centred, oppressive, brutal and hubristic central government. We have every confidence in Comrade Kumar, to defend the rights of the estate workers, the downtrodden, the single mothers, the Orang Asli,the downtrodden, the working class and the entire constituency of Sg. Siput who have been neglected. And downtrodden.

For too long, the people of Sg. Siput have been at the mercy of the rapacious and greedy capitalist “rulers” and they have finally said No More! And they have chosen to embrace the revolutionary struggle, to become comrades in the fight against oppression, capitalism, cronyism, nepotism, oppression, racism, corruption and oppression!

The Working Class Movement moves apace for the working class!

Comrade Kumar and the People of Sg. Siput, we raise a clenched fist and salute you!

Long Live Socialism!

Workers of the World, Unite!

–

Endnote: I know I’m just trying to be funny, but if you have the time, check out PSM’s site. As the maintainer of the Other Malaysia website, I can say that it is no accident that PSM is the only political party that we link to.

Posted in Lame Jokes, Mentera Moden, Politics | 5 Comments »

Proposal For RFID Tags To Be Introduced For Mass Rallies

November 26th, 2007 gier

In responding to the Government’s push towards a K-Economy in order to compete in a globalised e-World, the Mentera Institute of Learning Foundation for Political Research On Nationalism (MILF-PRON) would like to propose RFID tagging for the general public on occasions where they attend mass rallies. The core of this proposal is to address the vexing issue of the actual number of attendees at such rallies.

This month alone, there have been two rallies in Kuala Lumpur, the first being the BERSIH rally on the 10th of November, and the second, the HINDRAF rally on the 25th. On both occasions, the estimates of the number of people gathered varied wildly. In the case of the BERSIH rally, some estimates are as shown:

In the case of the HINDRAF rally, well … we can’t be bothered to draw up another table[1], but suffice to say that the estimates vary wildly as well. Given such variances, the logical step would be to initiate some kind of counting mechanism, and the best approach would be the use of RFID tags.

These tags can take the form of a bracelet, similar to the Unity Band. However, as opposed to the crass commercialism and total lack of utility of the Unity Band, the MILF-PRON RFID Band® would actually have a use, apart from making you look like a tit with a fluorescent bracelet.

When everyone attending a mass rally wears this MPR Band®, getting the actual number would then be trivial. A set of gantries can be set up at strategic points, and the “marshalls” in the rally can herd the attendees through the gantries. RFID technology means that double counting cannot happen, so an attendee can also merrily go through as many gantries as he or she wants, and there will not be an error.

Another option is to use RFID “guns”. We propose to develop and provide to the Government a special purpose RFID gun that would be able to “shoot” at the rally attendees and detect up to 50,000 RFID tags in one “shot”. This gun is still in development at the moment, mainly because we have been informed by our China-outsourced boffins that the prototype 1 MegaWatt RFID gun has a tendency to also cook flesh[2] when switched on.

The MPR Band® will be on sale soon for all discerning rally organisers. We deliver anywhere, including jail cells.

[1] Translation: we can’t be bothered to trawl the Interweb for the numbers.

[2] “It cook from inside, like microwave oven, Boss,” is what the head boffin told us, speaking from the Burns Unit of the hospital where he was sent after the first (and so far, only) test run.

Posted in MILF-PRON, Politics | 1 Comment »

A Happy Ending for Developer in Melaka — You Cannot Make This Up!

November 12th, 2007 gier

I don’t really want to keep mentioning Malaysiakini, because I don’t want to keep pimping the site, even if it is a very good online comic. On the other hand, it’s rather easier to read than NST or Star. Anyway, today there’s a report about that housing developer guy in Melaka who made a police report against the former ADUN of Jasin[1] (it had to be Jasin, didn’t it?), regarding the return of a “donation” he made to UMNO Melaka and the Jasin division — after his approval permit to build houses on a swamp was revoked.

The latest is that he’s decided to rescind the police report after the former ADUN’s son agreed to give him back the money. Now, here are the salient points of the circus act:

• The developer claimed that the ADUN asked him to “contribute” to UMNO Melaka and UMNO Jasin a sum of RM 80,000 and RM 50,000 respectively in exchange for a contract to develop the swamp into a housing area. This was in 2003.
• Developer asked for receipt, but was not given — he paid in cash and and bank drafts …
• The Tsunami hit in December 2004.
• The development approval for the swamp was rescinded in 2005, so that the swamp can be a “zon penampan” — a defense zone I think — against tsunamis.
• Developer sends lawyer’s letters to the ADUN (cc-ed to the Prime Minister), asking for his money back. Former ADUN refused to reply.
• Developer met with former ADUN over Hari Raya and asked for his money back, but the former ADUN refused saying that he (former ADUN) is untouchable — because he is a former ADUN.
• Developer files police report in October 2007.
• Developer rescinds police report in November 2007.

The reason that the developer made the police report is, get this, “to inform the authorities that I have been cheated and do not want other people to say that my company is involved in corruption.”

Oh no! We don’t want people to think that paying off some politician dude in exchange for a contract is corruption. This is why we need a receipt for the transactions, duh!

The former ADUN, on the other hand, admitted to receiving the money on behalf of the two UMNOs, and said that it was a voluntary contribution by the developer as thanks for “previous development project approvals given by the state government.”

The former ADUN also questions the developer’s motive in raising this issue, stating (in the Bahasa Malaysia/Melayu version of the article) that “beliau tidak tahu menahu apa motif Lui membangkitkan perkara tersebut tetapi menyifatkan sebagai tuduhan berniat jahat[2].”

Anyway, turns out the from the developer’s perspective, it’s “all’s well that ends well” when the son of the former ADUN agreed to give him RM 130,000 back (not adjusted for inflation, obviously). The former ADUN said that he had no idea about any arrangements between his son and the developer and insists that there should be no reason to return any money back to that dude since it was a “contribution”.

The developer, on his part, hopes that no one views him askance for making the police report.

As for the Jasin MP, Dato’ Zakaria Mat Deros Dato’ Mohd Said Yusof[5] … well, he said that he has no idea what’s going on there but was compelled to mention that he heard that this story has been making the rounds in Jasin and surrounding areas. Well said, Dato’ Said!

[1] Well, Sungai Rambai, which I assume is a branch under the Jasin division.

[2] The “jahat” here one assumes is not the good kind like that associated with “papa”[3], but possibly more related to heinous acts most foul.

[3] If you don’t know what this refers to, then I’ll gladly inform you that it is a song by an artiste by the name of Cat Farish[4]. If you do know what it refers to … then you’ll know it’s very nice.

[4] No, not Farish Noor.

[5] Sorry, sometimes I can’t tell which is which.

Posted in Politics, You cannot make this up! | 1 Comment »